You're my little dorito
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
