He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
vagina is talking i cant
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
