I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
