It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
