i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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