Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
