I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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