I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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