Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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