I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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