I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
