i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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