great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
