just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
