I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ketchup is God's man juice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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