why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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