Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
