I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
