I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
