I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
