areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
