I got chris browned last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
false alarm. still invincible.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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