Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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