I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
