just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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