i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
