if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
