we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
