Sober January is a disaster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
