3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
