Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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