I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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