roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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