As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize