They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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