I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
