If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
