Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
