But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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