I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
