i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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