he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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