You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
