Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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