I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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