So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
