He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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