You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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