this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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