Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
