Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
