last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
